Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
