omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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