how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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