Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
