Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
