id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
