my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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