i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
