can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
