Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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