He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
