I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize