how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
