does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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