is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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