So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
