Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
