you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This baby is an asshole
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
