why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
