Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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