I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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