I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
