sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
