she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.