Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
