She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.