in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind