I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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