i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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