found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
