Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize