guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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