Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
