I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we should paint friendship bongs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
