And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
