I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pappa wants mamma naked
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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