My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
