i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
