it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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