Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
