I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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