already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
