just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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