I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my being single is dangerous.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
