Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
