He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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