U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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