today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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