If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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