dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize