I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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