so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
