no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
