A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
