so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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