i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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