Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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