i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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