Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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