Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
