I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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