evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
