I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
