There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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