stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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