I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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