sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
