I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
