when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
