I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
