i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
