hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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