I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
