im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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