I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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