Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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