i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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