i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
