dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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