Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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