I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
