How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
