If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
