I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
