i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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