My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
ok first of all what the fuck
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
