I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
