does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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