Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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