Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
