when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
