i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
